Today is Tuesday, November 9th, 2010; Karen's Korner #1942

Something emailed to me about a year ago by Shirley Choat:
 
The Next time You Find Yourself in an Argument,
Rather than Defend Your Position,
See if You Can See the Other Point of View First
 
It's interesting to consider that when you disagree with someone, the person you are disagreeing with is every bit as certain of his or her position as you are of yours. Yet we always take sides--ours!  This is our ego's way of refusing to learn anything new.  it's also a habit that creates a lot of unnecessary stress.
 
The first time I consciously tried the strategy of seeing the other point of view first, I found out something truly wonderful: It didn't hurt, and it brought me closer to the person with whom I was disagreeing.
 
Suppose a friend says to you, "Liberals (or conservatives) are the major cause of our social problems."  Rather than automatically defending your own position (whatever it is), see if you can learn something new.  Say to your friend, "Tell me why you think that's true." Don't say this with a hidden agenda or in preparation to defend or prove your position, but simply to learn a different point of view. Don't try to correct or make your friend see how he is wrong. Let your friend have the satisfaction of being right.  Practice being a good listener.
 
Contrary to popular belief, this attitude does not make you weak.t doesn't mean you aren't passionate about your beliefs, or that you're admitting that you're wrong. You're simply trying to see another point of view--you're seeking first to understand. It takes enormous energy to constantly prove a rigid position. On the other hand, it takes no energy to allow someone else to be right. In fact, it's outright energizing.
 
When you understand other positions and points of view, several wonderful things begin to happen. First, you often learn something new. You expand your horizons. Second, when the person you are talking to feels listened to, he or she will appreciate and respect you far more than when you habitually jump in with your own position. jumping in only makes him or her more determined and defensive. Almost always, if you are softer, the other person with be softer too. It might hot happen right away, but in time, it will. By seeking first to understand, you are putting your love and respect for the person to whom you are speaking above your need to be right. You are practicing a form of unconditional love. A side benefit is that the person you are speaking to may even listen to your point of view. While there is no guarantee that he will listen to you, one thing is guaranteed: If you don't listen, he or she won't. By being the first person to reach out and listen, you stop the spiral of stubbornness.
 
~Richard Carlson from Don't Sweat the Small  Stuff...
 
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