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October 2012 Archives

Printable Issue 2411  Today is Monday, October 1st, 2012; Karen's Korner #2411
A short story taken from "Choosing Gratitude:  Your Journey to JOY" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
She re-tells the story of Lady Elgin, an overnight boat traveling Lake Michigan between Chicago and Milwaukee on the evening of September 7, 1860. The more than 400 passengers enjoyed the short-term cruise blessed with good food, live bands, and dancing. Late into the night, Lady Elgin was struck on its left side by a much smaller 130-foot schooner, the Augusta. It was believed that little, if any damage was done to either boat.
But a half hour later, it was obvious Lady Elgin was sinking, and Titantic-like rescues began to take place with many of the passengers now struggling in Lake Michigan waters, clinging to whatever floating pieces they could find.
"...Edward Spencer, a seminary student from nearby Northwstern University, who had grown up along the Mississippi River and knew how to handle himself in the water" began pulling victims one-by-one form the choppy waters. "Eventually, of the thirty victims who survived along the water's edge in Evanston that day, seventeen of them would owe their lives to Spencer's heroic efforts."
"But although his bravery would be the beginning of new life for many, it became the end of a dream for the young seminarian. Never quite able to recover from the physical toll of that fateful day, he was forced to abandon his schooling, his livelihood, and his dreams of becoming a pastor and scholar. Some remember him being nearly paralyzed the rest of his life, often confined to a wheelchair."
"And though his valor would at times be recalled in newspaper accounts and other general tributes, when asked by a reporter what he most recalled about the rescue, he replied, "Only this:  of the seventeen people I save, not one of them ever thanked me."
"Was that too much to expect?"
I wonder how often we forget to thank others for what they have so generously done for us?
The recounting also makes me think of what Jesus did for us spiritually, when he 'drug us out of the icy waters' of this life and our ultimate, and maybe even untimely, deaths. And by His death, rescued each one of us. Only one question, "Have we ever thanked Him?"
"He calms the storms and stills the waters."
~ Psalm 107:29 LB
Printable Issue 2412  Today is Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012; Karen's Korner #2412
Our weekly installment of Max Lucado:

See By Faith
 On the wall of a concentration camp, a prisoner had carved the following words:

“I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine.

I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown.

I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak.”

What hand could have cut such a conviction?  What eyes could have seen good in such horror? There’s only one answer:  Eyes that chose to see the unseen.

Paul wrote in 2nd Corinthians 4:18: “We set our eyes not on what we see but on what we cannot see.  What we see will only last a short time, but what we cannot see will last forever.”

We can see either the hurt or the Healer.

Mark it down. God knows you and I are blind.  He knows living by faith and not by sight doesn’t come naturally.  He will help us.  Accept his help.

Either live by the facts or see by faith!


Printable Issue 2413  Today is Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012; Karen's Korner #2413
"But may the godly man exult.
May he rejoice and be merry.
Sing praises to the Lord!
Raise your voice in song to Him
who rides upon the clouds!
Jehovah is His name--
oh, rejoice in His presence.
He is a Father to the fatherless;
He gives justice to the widows,
for He is holy.
He gives families to the lonely,
and releases prisoners from jail,
singing with joy!
But for rebels there is famine and distress."
~ Psalm 68:3 - 6 LB
Bible Commentary:
'David (writer of these verses) praised God for His protection and provision.
When we see God's true majesty,
our response should be to praise Him.
This song was a song of faith,
since many of these benefits had not yet come true in David's time.
It is a song of faith for us as well.
We must continue to trust God because in time,
He will fulfill all His promises."
Printable Issue 2414  Today is Thursday, October 4th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2414
I have had this daily flip calendar on our bedroom's dresser for a number of years. It is "Heart of Joy" by Mother Teresa. While I don't look at it every day, I flip it now and then and get a 'big dose', when I do. While Mother Teresa has been gone from us for several years now, her words and life were both so powerful, they will continue for generations into the future.
Here are a couple of treasures:
"Today, more than ever, we need to pray
for the light to know the will of God,
for the love to accept the will of God,
for the way to do the will of God."
"All the gifts of nature and of grace
which you have, you have them from God."
"Communication with Christ gives us
our strength, our joy, and our love."
"Never let anything so fill you with pain
or sorrow so as to make you forget
the joy of Christ Risen."
Printable Issue 2415  Today is Friday, October 5th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2415
"How can men be wise?
The only way to begin
is by reverence for God."
~ Psalm 111:10 LB
Bible Commentary:
"The only way to become truly wise is to reverence God.
Too often people want to skip this step,
thinking they can become wise by life experience
and academic knowledge alone.
But if God is not acknowledged as the source of wisdom,
then the foundation for making wise decisions
cannot be laid,
and we are doomed to mistakes and foolish choices.
Always remember that the foundation
for growing  in wisdom is to recognize that God
is the source of wisdom
and that obeying His laws
is the path to wisdom."
Printable Issue 2416  Today is Monday, October 8th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2416
Do any of you enjoy listening or watching Dr. David Jeremiah on television or Christian radio?
He is a very down-to-earth speaker and is easy for listeners to relate.
Their Turning Point ministry offered listeners for 'gifts of any amount' a packet of a political-style yard sign, a handful of cards and wrist bracelets with the theme of "God Loves You. He Always Has! He Always Will ! and He offers you eternal life!"
Here is what the card says:
"But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and
gracious, slow to anger and abounding in
steadfast love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15
"For all have sinned and come short of the
glory of God." Romans 3:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of
God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our
Lord."  Romans 6:23
"For God so loved the world that He gave
His only begotten Son, that whosoever
believes in Him should not perish but
have everlasting life." John 3:16
"God commended His love toward us,
that while we were yet sinners, Christ
died for us." Romans 5:8
"For whosoever shall call on the name of the
Lord shall be saved." Romans 10:13
"Most assuredly, I say to you, he who
believes in Me has everlasting life." John 6:47
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your
strength." Deuteronomy 6:5
Printable Issue 2417  Today is Tuesday, October 9th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2417
Two weeks ago today, I was riding my bike near Lake Cornelia, located several miles from our home. When making the transition from black top riding to a gravel portion of road, I skidded off my bike. I wound up with a couple of surface scrapes on the left side of my face. My sunglasses caused a bruise below my left eye. And I learned the next day that I had a small crack 'on the head of my radius in my right arm' (in my elbow). For a few days, I had a black eye and a 'broken arm'; I had never had one of either in the past!
But I felt blessed that it was no worse than it was! I still had all of my teeth. And the healing has been pretty quick.
Once again I just marvel at how 'fearfully and wonderfully we are made'.
Sure I went to the doctor to learn what was the matter with my elbow. While he could tell me the problem, he has no ability to make me 'well' again. X-rays reveal the problem but the technicians can't work to make it 'all better' either.
That is the amazing part of the human body:  we are programmed to heal and to restore back to original selves.
We are truly a 'programmed God-given' miracle!
"and He (Jesus) healed every kind of sickness and disease.."
(including falls from bicycles)
~ Matthew 4:23b
Printable Issue 2418  Today is Wednesday, October 10th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2418
It's a Max; Max Lucado. He gives us one life-changing moment of us doing something wrong. If we can't relate to that story, we have plenty of them of our own; given enough time, each of us has our own individual lists of 'wrong doing'.........'choosing our own way, rather than His':

God’s Best Idea

Your dad makes you come to church, but he can’t make you listen.  At least that’s what you’ve always muttered to yourself.  But this morning you listen because he speaks of a God who loves prodigals, and you feel like the worst sort of one. You can’t keep the pregnancy a secret much longer. Soon your parents will know.  The preacher will know. He says God already knows. You wonder what God thinks!

Grace is God’s best idea.  Rather than tell us to change, he creates the change. Do we clean up so he can accept us? No, he accepts us and begins cleaning us up. What a difference this makes.

Can’t forgive your past? Christ can, and he is on the move, aggressively budging you from graceless to grace-shaped living.  Forgiven people forgiving people.  Deep sighs of relief.

Grace is everything Jesus!

Ezekiel 36:26a- “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.”


Printable Issue 2419  Today is Thursday, October 11th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2419
"Blessed Lord,
teach me your rules.
I have recited your laws,
and rejoiced in them more than in riches.
I will meditate upon them
and give them my full respect.
I will delight in them and not forget them.
Bless me with life so that I can continue to obey you.
Open my eyes to see wonderful things in your Word."
~ Psalm 119:12 - 18 LB
Bible Commentary:
"Most of us chafe under rules,
for we think they restrict us from doing what we want.
At first glance, then it may seem strange to hear the palmist talk
of rejoicing in God's laws more than in riches.
But God's laws were given to free us to be all he wants us to be.
They restrict us from doing those things that will cripple us
and keep us from being the best.
God's laws are guidelines to help us follow in his path
and not wander onto paths that would lead to destruction."
Printable Issue 2420  Today is Friday, October 12th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2420
Nothing is as special of that of grandparents with their grandchildren. Last week Bob and Sue Freund added Olivia to their family treasure. She joins her older brother Elliott.. Sue is a creative writer, usually writing for the enjoyment of her immediate family.
I asked her to write something for Karen's Korner and allow readers a glance into the heart and mind of the Freund family. We are fortunate to have Sue share her thoughts:

Sweet little baby girl with those bright eyes open so wide struggling to take in everything around her.

Beautiful eyes close once again as she sleeps peacefully.

There will be plenty of time for looking.

And my eyes will watch her experience it all now and throughout this life that she will own.


Lips too tiny now will soon enough speak those silly quirky things that all girls say.

These little lips will laugh and smile, pout and frown all the while as she makes her way into my heart.


Her tiny feet no larger than my thumb are now too small for shoes.

But oh the parade of shoes she will have.

Shoes for her first steps.

Shoes for running and jumping, and as her cousin once said “church shoes”.

Maybe even ballet shoes or volleyball shoes and then heels for her first dance.

But for now her closet is quiet and empty just as it should be awaiting all the memories to come.


As I hold her in my arms like her lightly wrapped blanket my love surrounds her.

 I feel the love of Jesus as he surrounds us this very moment.

I am assured he will surround us with his love forever.


Jesus once again you have given me one more thing

to pray about and with each day, one more joyous prayer of thanksgiving.




 Letters from Grandma,


Olivia Eloise she has been given the name

Elliot, your life will never be the same.


Your parents love for one another

Have bestowed on you the title, Big Brother.


What a wondrous gift will be theirs

when her name is added to your bedtime prayers.


God Bless you all.





Susan Freund written Oct. 2012


Printable Issue 2421  Today is Monday, October 15th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2421
A single dose of Max Lucado to begin the week:
Grace Comes After Your

God’s grace!  It has a wildness about it.  A white-water, rip-tide, turn-you-upside-downess about it. Grace comes after you!

Some years ago I underwent a heart procedure.  I asked the surgeon,

“You’re burning the interior of my heart, right?”


“You intend to kill the misbehaving cells, yes?”

“That’s my plan.”

“As long as you’re in there, could you take your little blowtorch to some of my greed, selfishness, superiority, and guilt?”

He smiled, “Sorry, that’s out of my pay grade!”

But it’s not out of God’s!  We’d be wrong to think this change happens overnight. We’d be equally wrong to assume change never happens at all. It may be in fits and spurts—but it comes!

Titus 2:11 says, “The grace of God that brings salvation has appeared.”

The floodgates are open, and the water’s out. You just never know when grace will seep in.  Could you use some?


Printable Issue 2422  Today is Tuesday, October 16th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2422
Sometimes when 'it rains, it pours'.
Our neighbors who live about a mile, southwest of our farm home, buried their dad/husband three weeks ago. John Meyer had struggled with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease) for the better part of two years.
John and Kathy have two sons, John (who we always called Johnny during his growing up days) and Jim. Johnny was in our older daughter's school class of 1989. He is a middle school special education teacher in the metro area of Des Moines, is in the military reserves, is into physical fitness, and loves to write.......especially poetry.
While riding his bicycle near his home on Friday evening, a 17-year-old girl hit him while she was texting and driving.
Now Johnny is in the hospital waiting for surgery today. We don't know what the surgery is hoping to correct, but initial reports are that he 'has no feeling from his chest on down'.
Please pray for Johnny and his family today; and for the high school girl and her family.
I have no idea what God has in store for Johnny. But one thing I do believe is that God has just given Johnny a 'bigger stage' to tell his story and for the balance of his life.
First of all, Johnny has faith in a big God! No matter what happens next, I believe Johnny will make 'something' out of what has happened. He always wanted to write a book; now he has a bigger story to tell. I can see him as a motivational speaker in schools across the state, maybe the nation. Regardless of his surgical outcome, I see him continuing as an advocate for fitness and good nutrition.. The possibilities are endless for someone who we have known for all of his 42 years.
Pray with me for Johnny and his family that he might be healed from his injuries. And that he can wrap his mind around what has happened to him and his family. God doesn't waste anything which happens to any of us. He 'works all things for good to those who are called according to His purposes' (Romans 8:28).
God, you are a big God. Full of grace, love, and caring. Thank you that you are wherever we are. Be with Johnny and his family today. We ask that his surgery might go well and that he might be healed from his injuries. Thank you that you are a part of Johnny's life. No good gift will you withhold from any of us who love you. Give Johnny strength, courage, healing. We praise You for the work that You are beginning in Johnny's life because of this accident! In Jesus' name who goes with us through anything which happens in our lives. Amen.
Printable Issue 2423  Today is Wednesday, October 17th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2423
Yesterday morning as I was driving from here to there, I happened to catch a portion of a radio broadcast by Nancy Leigh De Moss on our local Christian radio station.
She asked listeners who they believed was/were the most powerful person/people in the world. Do you have a guess?
Nancy went on to share a couple of possible guesses. The leader(s) whose names you might not be able to pronounce his/her name who head countries whose names you might not be able to pronounce? What about elected officials in our national, state, or city governments? Does a name or names come to mind.
She went on to say (are you ready for this?)
The most powerful people in the world
are those who are willing to PRAY!
If we are willing to spend our time, praying to the God of the universe.......we are indeed the most powerful people!
Made me feel good to be part of such a 'team'.
God, please help to believe that more fully. And if I believe it. Help me to be a more consistent and faithful pray-er! Amen.
Printable Issue 2424  Today is Thursday, October 18th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2424
I am told that the exact center of the Bible is Psalm 118.
On one side is the shortest chapter - Psalm 117.
On the other is the longest in the Bible - Psalm 119.
Today's Karen's Korner I am going to share 117, which is two verses:
"Praise the Lord,
all nations everywhere.
Praise him,
all peoples of the earth.
For he loves us very dearly,
and his truth endures.
Praise the Lord!"
Bible Commentary:
"Have you ever said,
'I can't think of anything God has done for me.
How can I praise Him?'
This psalm gives two reasons for praising God.
'He loves us very much'
and 'his truth endures'.
If he did nothing else for us our whole lives,
he would still be worthy of our highest praise."
Printable Issue 2425  Today is Friday, October 19th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2425
God is good...all of the time. He is always faithful.
Us?? Less so!
"Great is Thy Faithfulness" song lyrics by Thomas O. Chisholm:
"Great Is Thy Faithfulness"

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my father
There is no shadow of turning with Thee
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been, Thou for ever will be
Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

Great is thy faithfulness
Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To thy great faithfulness, mercy and love

Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
Morning by morning new mercies I see
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

Great is thy faithfulness
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside

Great is thy faithfulness
Great is thy faithfulness
All I have needed thy hand hath provided
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

Printable Issue 2426  Today is Monday, October 22nd, 2012; Karen's Korner #2426
(who later became a Christian and wrote the biggest part of the New Testament)
was in complete agreement with the killing of Stephen.
And a great wave of persecution of the believers began that day,
sweeping over the church in Jerusalem,
and everyone except the apostles fled into Judea and Samaria.
(But some godly Jews came and with great sorrow buried Stephen.)
Paul was like a wild man,
going everywhere to devastate the believers,
even entering private homes and dragging out men and women alike and jailing them.
But the believers who had fled Jerusalem went everywhere
preaching the Good news about Jesus!
Philip, for instance, went to the city of Samaria
and told the people there about Christ.
Crowds listened intently to what he had to say
because of the miracles he did.
Many evil spirits were cast out,
screaming as they left their victims,
and many who were paralyzed were healed,
so there was much joy in the city!
~ Acts 8:1 - 8 LB
Bible Commentary:
Persecution forced the Christians out of Jerusalem
and into Judea and Samaria---
thus fulfilling the next part of Jesus' command.
The persecution helped spread the gospel.
All believers suffered,
but God would bring great results from their suffering.
Often we have to become uncomfortable
before we'll move.
Discomfort may be unwanted,
but it is not undesirable,
for out of our hurting,
God works his purposes.
The next time you are tempted to complain
about uncomfortable or painful circumstances,
stop and ask if God may be preparing you for a special task.
Printable Issue 2427  Today is Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012; Karen's Korner #2427
Tuesday is a nice day to hear what Max Lucado might have to say:

When grace happens, Christ enters.  Christ in you, the hope of glory!

For many years, I missed this truth.  I believed all the other prepositions:

Christ for me, with me, ahead of me.  But I never imagined that Christ was in me.

I can’t blame my deficiency on Scripture. Paul refers to it 216 times.  John mentions it 26.  No other religion or philosophy makes such a claim.  No other movement implies the living presence of its founder in his followers.

Muhammad does not indwell Muslims.  Buddha does not inhabit Buddhists.

Influence?  Instruct?  Yes.  But occupy?  No.

The mystery in a nutshell is Colossians 1:27:  “Christ is in you!”

The Christian is a person in whom Christ is happening!  We sense his re-arranging.  He’s turning debris into the divine, a pig’s ear into silk purse.  Little by little a new image emerges!

God’s Grace!


Printable Issue 2428  Today is Wednesday, October 24th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2428
Something shared with my by Cindy Schubert a few months ago. It is an email daily devotional which she receives:
"Fraud and lies--keep far from me!  Don't give me either poverty or wealth; give me just the food I need."
~ Proverbs 30:8 (Common English Bible)
'Salty vaudevillian Sophie Tucker ("The Last of the Red Hot Mamas") is famously quoted as saying, "I've been rich and I've been poor. Believe me, honey, rich is better."

'Hmmm . . . given those two extremes, that's hard to argue with. But Proverbs offers another perspective: "Don't give me either poverty or
wealth; give me just the food I need, or I'll be full and deny you and say, 'Who is the Lord?' Or I'll be poor and steal and dishonor my God's name."

'Could it be that Jesus has in mind this very text when he says in the Lord's Prayer, "Give us this day our daily bread"? In other words, Jesus is praying for moderation: "Lord, give me enough in life, but not so much that I lose my sense of dependence on you. Supply me with sufficient resources to satisfy legitimate needs, but not  such overabundance as to imagine myself full apart from you. Grant me freedom from worry about necessities, but not so much so as to place my ultimate security anywhere except in you."
'Imagine, the Bible commending moderation! And yet, indeed, the quality of our life largely depends on everyday, routine, and predictable faithfulness. The clerk who gives good, attentive service; the mechanic who provides honest, competent work; the spouse, the parent who attends to day-in, day-out provision for their family.

'There will be other days, other devotions to consider the radically upended life; Jesus has a lot to say about that too. But today perhaps we can be content with a refreshing word in praise of the middle way. After all, that's where we mostly live.
'Lord, you know my true needs. Grant provision today sufficient to sustain my reliance on you. Amen.'

Written by Thomas C. Rook
Printable Issue 2429  Today is Thursday, October 25th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2429

“speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit.

Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord,

always giving thanks to God the Father for everything,

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

 ~ Ephesians 5:19-20 NIV


The two Bible verses listed above are the selected 'Bible Verses of the Day", on the web site www.biblegateway.com . It's a great web site.

Check it out some time. If you need to 'type and copy', let's say the 23rd Psalm for a program, go to the site and type in Psalm 23. You'd have a number of translations to choose from. Then simply copy and paste. Maybe you have a couple of words rattling around in your head, you know it is from the Bible, but have no idea where. Type the words and see what pops up.

Go to the site; play, learn and have fun!

Printable Issue 2430  Today is Friday, October 26th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2430
Last week we traded vans. We had a red one; now we have a tan-colored one.
Because we live on a gravel road, we knew we didn't want a black or navy blue one; nor a white one.
Shows dirt too easily.
Tan is better. It's working.
But dirt is still dirt! Still needs washing.......
Makes me think about sin. Some sins are little easier to hide than others.
Like white and black vans, most of us haven't killed anyone, robbed any banks, or assaulted anyone who gets in our way or who we don't care much about.
But what about the 'tan van-colored sins'?
The ones that are 'not seen easily'. The unresolved conflict with a friend; the grudge with the family member which has been going on for years; the unnecessary gossip about someone in our lives.
We all have done it.
"All have sinned; all fall short of God's ideal......." (Romans 3:23).
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord...." (Romans 6:23)
Accept Jesus. Receive God's free gift of eternal life and freedom from sin.
Our acceptance addresses all of our sins, regardless of 'van color'.
Thank you, God, for the 'clean up plans' You have for our lives!
Printable Issue 2431  Today is Monday, October 29th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2431
A Max Lucado for Monday:

Let Grace Happen

I became a Christian about the same time I became a Boy Scout and made the assumption God grades on a merit system.  Good scouts move up.  Good people go to heaven.

I resolved to amass a multitude of spiritual badges.  I worked toward the day when God, amid falling confetti and dancing cherubim, would drape my badge-laden sash across my chest, welcome me into his eternal kingdom, where I could humbly display my badges for eternity.

But some thorny questions surfaced.  How good is good?  What is the permitted percentage of exaggeration?

Ephesians 2:8 says:  “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.”

Unearned.  A gift.  Our merits merit nothing.

Let grace happen, for heaven’s sake. Of all the things you must earn in life, God’s unending affection is not one of them.   You have it!


Printable Issue 2432  Today is Tuesday, October 30th, 2012; Karen's Korner #2432
These couple of verses were underlined in my Bible and marked in February 2002, just a several months after Clarion began its Marys & Marthas (M & Ms), an ecumenical group of gals serving our community in God's name. The verses were shared at that meeting. The group was just a couple months old at the time. It is still the same for the group and for all of us today:
"And now you have become living building-stones
for God's use in building His house.
What's more, you are His holy priests;
so come to Him--
(you who are acceptable to Him because of Jesus Christ)--
and offer to God those things that please Him.
As the Scriptures express it,
'See, I am sending Christ to be the carefully chosen,
precious Cornerstone of my church,
and I will never disappoint those who trust in Him'."
~ I Peter 2:5 - 6 LB


Peter portrays the church as a living Temple.
Christ is the foundation, and each believer is a stone.
Paul portrays it as a body.
Christ is the head, and each believer is a member.
Both pictures emphasize community.
One stone is not a temple or even a wall; one body part is useless without the others.
In our individualistic society, it is easy to forget our interdependence with other Christians.
When God calls you to a task, remember that he is also calling others to work with you.
Together your individual efforts will be multiplied.
Look for those people and join with them to build a beautiful house to God.
Printable Issue 2433  Today is Wednesday, October 31st, 2012; Karen's Korner #2433
In case you need a smile today, here are a couple of things which I found funny.
In reading a catalog of items which could be purchased for Christmas gifts. It has nothing to do with what I have second. It just made me laugh:
And then the Bible according to a child; something forwarded to me by Al and Ron Bennett:
The Children's Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, "The Lord thy God is one", but I think he must a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.
The God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden.....not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check..
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:  Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and then fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be King by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.
After Solomon, there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then got barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was!').
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats. Jesus also had twelve opossums, The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they name a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preach to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the Book of Revolution.