Today is Friday, July 29th, 2005; Karen's Korner #600
Wow! 600 Karen's Korners!! Thanks for sticking with me for that number, or for joining me to share what I write or receive from others!
If at any time, you want to go back and read a "korner" from #1 until today's #600, they are all on my web site at www.karens-korner.com. Hit the "archives" button and they are listed by months since March 2003. If you can recall a topic (i.e.spider web, Nehemiah, Jeff, clouds), type in the word in the "search" section to the left and if there are any of those topics, it will bring that Karen's Korner on to the screen!
Thanks, too, for allowing me to share Merry's sixth anniversary of her death yesterday. And for those of you who typed me a note back! Below is something I received a month or so after her funeral. I have heard it said that people who have lost a loved one, recalling someone saying something to them shortly after the death which seem inconsiderate or inappropriate.
I can honestly say that didn't happen to us. Maybe it is because we were learning how to lose a child. And the people making the comments were learning, too, but caring enough to say things and write notes. What they wrote or said wasn't as important, as the care and concern.
Anyway, this piece is written by a pediatric nurse and was in an Ann Landers column. Someone emailed it to us:
When No Words Seem Appropriate
I won't say, "I know how you feel" - because I don't.
I've lost parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends,
but I've never lost a child. So how can I say I know how
you feel?
I won't say, "You'll get over it" - because you won't.
Life will have to go on. The washing, cooking, cleaning,
the common routine. These chores will take your mind off
your loved one, but the hurt will still be there.
I won't say, "Your other children will be a comfort to
you" - because they may not be. Many mothers I've talked to
say that after they have lost a child, they easily lose
their temper with their remaining children. Some even feel
resentful that they're alive and healthy when the other
child is not.
I won't say, "Never mind, you're young enough to have
another baby" - because that won't help. A new baby cannot
replace the one that you've lost. A new baby will fill your
hours, keep you busy, give you sleepless nights. But it
will not replace the one you've lost.
You may hear all these platitudes from your friends and
relatives. They think they are helping. They don't know
what else to say. You will find out who your true friends
are at this time Many will avoid you because they can't
face you. Others will talk about the weather, the holidays
and the school concert but never about how you're coping.
So what will I say?
I will say, "I'm here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere." I
will talk about your loved one. We'll laugh about the good
memories. I won't mind how long you grieve. I won't tell
you to pull yourself together.
No, I don't know how you feel - but with sharing,
perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through.
And perhaps you'll feel comfortable with me and find your
burden has eased. Try me.
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